Under attack. That's how I would describe the last two weeks, or maybe even the last few years of me and my family's life. There have been ups and downs and lots of fiery furnaces to pass through. We wanted to give up... after all how much could a human being take. Now I'm sure that we are not the only ones who go through harsh trials, in fact I'm sure others have it worse, but the truth is when you are going through something hard, that little fact doesn't make it better... your pain will always feel like it's the biggest.
So that being said, even though there are others going through harder trials, I'll share some of ours, just in case you are going through something like this and maybe in reading this you will see that somehow the stars shine brightest in the darkest night. (I read that part somewhere but I don't know who wrote that, but it's brilliant and true)
First it started with my marrige that fell appart, an unfaithful husband who was also abusive both verbaly and eventually also physically. Me and my children by the grace of God were taken out of that situation. Then, after we had come back to the states my dad passed away. (He was our hero in so many ways, he had made it possible that me and my kids can be taken out of the situation we were in) Then we lost the house my dad had worked so hard for that we (me, my three kids, my mom, my sister and my grandmother) were living in. Then we lost the cars also due to bankrupcy. We had to move, we found a house to rent. Then a year later the owner of that house decided to sell the house, so we had to move again. Oh, and after daddy died I had also lost my job, then worked two part time jobs that paid almost nothing. (I know this sounds like whining) But along the way, though we were grieving and broken and very very angry at all the horrible happenings around us-along the way there were bright spots. Actually a lot of bright spots. Through out this time God touched people's hearts who helped us in so many ways. Sometimes it was with a kind word. Sometimes it was financially at just the right time (though they couldn't have known at the time how much we had needed it)... sometimes these gifts were anonymous (but God knows who you are and we are still praying God blesses you). Sometimes we knew who our miracles came through.
Still the trials kept comming, anything from cars breaking down and so much that I won't get into here. Each time God brought a miracle, EACH TIME! And after a while just like the Israelites even after seeing miracles after miracles, still we would doubt God when the next trial came...but still He did not leave us.
As I said at the begining the past two or so weeks we had been facing another such trial, and just this morning we were crying out angry that God was not showing us the way. Ah, but I love how patient my heavnely Father is with us. We must have looked like my kids do when they throw a tantrum when they want something and I say: Wait, wait just a little bit longer.... or even though you want this toy, you'll see I have something even better. So, guess what happened next? You got it! He provided AGAIN, He lead us AGAIN, He removed barriers AGAIN.
Why am I writing this?
Because I want you to know, if you are facing something gigantic right now, He won't leave you, even when you're angry with Him. He knows your heart, and He know how much pain is behind that anger. He is not a fool like some of us who cannot see the reason behind each anger. Don't give up, turn to Him. Don't turn to people (though you'll be surprised that He will use people to bring an answer so many times). Trust in Him even when logic says there is absolutely no answer to this situation, or end to this pain. There is and answer, and to each pain He will bring healing at the right time.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I don't know if tomorrow my faith will be as strong as it is in this moment. But I know one thing: HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME even then.
Be blessed by the Only One who can trully bless: Jesus Christ
Love
Your Sister in Christ
Evangheline
